Skip to main content

#12 I am Powerful: 5 Ways to fight Like a Team


Recently, I posted a list of 13 Beliefs of Good Coaches. Now I’m following up by digging deeper into each of them. This post is about the twelfth belief: I am powerful, I have power over others; I can abuse that power and act like an ass.

Who is John Douglas?
I’m going to guess that some of my UK followers will recognize the name John Douglas, 9th Marquess of Queensberry. Nevertheless, every sports fan should be required to know his story. His is a story of fighting, fair-play, and the power of words. John Douglas is credited with what is currently known as The Queensberry Rules. Although originally written by another SportGent named John Graham Chambers in 1865, The Queensberry Rules (which was only publicly endorsed by Douglas) is a code of conduct and accepted rules for the sport of boxing. It is these rules that set the stage for how professional boxing matches are held today.

What does The Queensberry Rules have to do with you?
When it comes to understanding groups, especially groups involved in competitive sport, I think the most misguided belief is, fighting is bad. Many wayward sports coaches believe it is their job to stop the in-fighting between coaches, athletes, parents, administration—everyone. To the contrary, good coaches create conditions where people feel safe to fight. The research can’t be more clear, in the most effective teams people fight with each other. To deal with this fact the best coaches create their own Queensberry rules. They set the conditions to make sure the inevitable fights stay focused on ideas and take place in an atmosphere of mutual respect.

Good coaches realize that building a successful sports program isn’t easy, and depends on constant and constructive battles. As a “Head” coach, you had better have your own beliefs about how to move the program forward. However, you should also realize that others do too. As an “Assistant” coach, you have a responsibility to voice your opinion, even if that means battling with the top-dog. Like the saying goes, it takes two to tango. Yet, like any dance, there are rules to the tango. Those rules must be followed, if not, all you are doing is something that resembles The Jerk.

Creating Queensberry rules for how arguments occur in your program will be a process. Leading constructive fights within a group of coaches is a skill that is learned over time. Very few people are natural referees. We all tend to swing towards destructive and personal conflict, because it’s hard not to take an attack on your ideas personally. Alternatively, and even worse in my opinion, sometimes we swing toward silence and fear because people worry about the political consequences of attacking another person’s ideas. It takes confidence, experience, foresight, and courage to establish and demand the adherence of the rules for fighting. Fortunately, most successful teams have found that if the rules are established it becomes part of their organizational culture over a fairly short period of time.

Leading a good fight is a skill that begins with establishing your programs Queensberry rules. The following are some hints to think about when creating your list:

  • Where – decide locations where it is and isn’t appropriate to have a fight.
  • When – don’t allow arguing during the initial generation of ideas. Make it safe to suggest even crazy ideas. After there are many ideas on the table, then invite people to push back on them.
  • Who – gently rein in people who talk too much and encourage people who talk too little.
  • How – don’t just listen, watch people too. Are they smiling, eye-rolling, glaring, smirking? Coach people who (maybe unwittingly) interject negative expressions.
  • What Happened – after the fight, debrief and do the necessary backstage work. Talk to those who may feel personally attacked or had ideas shot down. If someone failed to follow the established rules call them on it, and help them to understand that isn’t how fighting occurs within the team.
Most importantly, you must model the Queensberry rules you have created. One of my academic heroes, Bob Sutton, described it this way: fight as if you are right, and listen as if you’re wrong. If you are the top-dog within your coaching staff, you have a unique power within the culture of your team. If you don’t fight fair, the whole culture is doomed. When you have been proven wrong or someone comes up with a better idea, there can’t be any punching below the belt, surrender gracefully and get on to the next decision worth fighting about.

Thomas, K. W. (2006). Conflict and conflict management: Reflections and update. Journal of Organizational Behavior, 13(3), 265-274.
Sullivan, P. J., & Feltz, D. L. (2001). The relationship between intrateam conflict and cohesion within hockey teams. Small Group Research, 32(3), 342-355.

Comments